How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
