ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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