dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
