Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
my god I love twenty year old dicks
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
