I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Randomize
