I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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