I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
