I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
