I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
