I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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