She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
