Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
