Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
