that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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