dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
