you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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