I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Randomize
