i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
