why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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