my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I think I sprained my soul last night
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
