Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
