I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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