he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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