Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
