so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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