Well apparently he's into motor boating.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
