My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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