Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
