good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
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