woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
