Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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