I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
