why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
