he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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