In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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