Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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