Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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