Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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