This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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