uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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