So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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