my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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