Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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