I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
