My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
