Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
