u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
