We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there was a trapeze. enough said
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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