I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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