he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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